招生官揭秘如何寫出好文書



The Statement of Purpose required by grad schools is probably the hardest thing you will ever write. (Incidentally, the statement of purpose may also be called an Application Essay, Objectives for Graduate Study, Personal Background, Cover Letter, or some comparable title.)

個(gè)人陳述的寫作是學(xué)生的最大難題。無論名稱差異多大,比如有些學(xué)校會(huì)稱為申請(qǐng)文書,有的叫深造目標(biāo),個(gè)人背景,等等,其實(shí)性質(zhì)是一樣的。

I would guess virtually all grad-school applicants, when they write their first draft of the statement of purpose, will get it wrong. Much of what you have learned about writing and also about how to present yourself will lead you astray. For example, here's an opening to a typical first draft:

大部分申請(qǐng)研究生院的學(xué)生,個(gè)人陳述的初稿都偏離正軌。你此前學(xué)過的關(guān)于寫作和自我推薦的東西可能會(huì)讓你誤入歧途。例如下文的開頭部分:

招生官揭秘如何寫出好文書


招生官揭秘如何寫出好文書

I am applying to the Master of Fine Arts program in creative writing at the University of Okoboji because I believe my writing will blossom at your program since it is a place where I will be challenged and I can hone my writing skills.

招生官揭秘如何寫出好文書


How's that? It's clear, it's direct, and it "strokes" the MFA program, right? Wrong. All of it is obvious and extraneous.

這開頭寫得如何?明確,直接,干脆,直指學(xué)生要申請(qǐng)的目標(biāo),對(duì)嗎?錯(cuò)了。它所寫的都太明顯和多余了。

The admissions committee knows you are applying to their MFA program because everyone in the stacks of applications they are reading is applying for the same thing. The admissions committee will also know that your writing will "blossom" there since they feel they have a strong program. Of course you will be challenged — all undergrads going on to a grad program will be challenged, no matter how well-prepared they think they are. And of course the new grad student will "hone [her] writing skills" — isn't that the main purpose of the MFA program?

申請(qǐng)委員會(huì)知道你要申請(qǐng)什么專業(yè),他們每天要審閱無窮多和你一樣申請(qǐng)同專業(yè)學(xué)生的文檔。他們對(duì)于你所說的文筆會(huì)在此專業(yè)增強(qiáng)也毫不懷疑,因?yàn)樗麄儗?duì)自己系別的強(qiáng)勢(shì)足夠自信。你當(dāng)然會(huì)遇到挑戰(zhàn)---無論多么優(yōu)秀的本科生,當(dāng)成為新入學(xué)的研究生時(shí)對(duì)科研和寫作能力都要面對(duì)挑戰(zhàn)---這難道不是MFA旨在培養(yǎng)你的地方嗎?

Let's assume the required length of this particular program's statement of purpose is 300 words. Well, with this opening you will have used up 15% of your space saying virtually nothing. 15%!

我們假設(shè)你個(gè)人陳述的字?jǐn)?shù)限制是300,那么像剛才那樣的開頭就已經(jīng)浪費(fèi)了15%的字?jǐn)?shù)而且毫無價(jià)值。

In fact, not only is this opening paragraph obvious, extraneous, and space-stealing, it'sboring!Imagine who's reading this and where: five professors "locked" in a room with 500 applications. Do you think this opening paragraph will command their attention? Will they read the rest of this statement of purpose with an open mind that this applicant is the kind of student they want? Will they remember this application later? You be the judge.

實(shí)際上,這個(gè)開頭不但是廢話,浪費(fèi)字?jǐn)?shù),而且很枯燥老套。設(shè)想一下誰在讀你的申請(qǐng)材料:5個(gè)教授,關(guān)在一間屋內(nèi),面對(duì)500份申請(qǐng)!你覺得這樣的開頭能引起他們的興趣嗎?即使他們耐著性子看下去,你覺得他們還會(huì)認(rèn)為你是他們想要的學(xué)生嗎?事后他們對(duì)你的這份申請(qǐng)還會(huì)有印象嗎?自己想想吧。

Remember what you learned in first-year composition? You need a "hook."

記得初學(xué)寫作時(shí)老師是怎么教你的嗎?開頭要吸引人!你需要一個(gè)“鳳頭。”

A former student of mine applying to enter a master's program in library science had a great hook. I don't remember Susan's exact words, but the opening paragraph of her statement of purpose went something like this:


我有一個(gè)申請(qǐng)圖書館系研究生的學(xué)生申請(qǐng)文書一開頭就非常吸引人。確切的文字我記不太清了,不過大概如下:

When I was eleven, my great-aunt Gretchen passed away and left me something that changed my life: a library of about five thousand books. Some of my best days were spent arranging and reading her books. Since then, I have wanted to be a librarian.


Okay ... it's clear, it's direct, it's 45 words, and, most important, it tells the admissions committee about Susan's almost life-long passion not just for books but fortaking care of books.When the committee starts to discuss their "best picks," don't you think they'll remember her as "the young woman who had her own library"? Of course they will, because having had their own library when they were eleven would probably be a cherished fantasy for each of them!
Suppose Susan had written this opening paragraph instead:

很好。清楚明白,直截了當(dāng),而且只用了45個(gè)字。最重要的是,這篇文書上來就告訴招生官這個(gè)學(xué)生對(duì)書執(zhí)著的愛,和發(fā)自內(nèi)心愿意保護(hù)它們的動(dòng)力。等招生委員會(huì)討論到底錄取誰的時(shí)候,你覺得他們會(huì)忘記這個(gè)如此愛書,甚至有著一個(gè)自己的私人圖書館的女孩子嗎?他們當(dāng)然不會(huì)忘!因?yàn)樵?1歲就擁有自己的圖書館恐怕也是這些招生官每一個(gè)的夢(mèng)想。不過,如果蘇珊這個(gè)女孩不是這樣開頭而是用如下的方法呢?

I am honored to apply for the Master of Library Science program at the University of Okoboji because as long as I can remember I have had a love affair with books. Since I was eleven I have known I wanted to be a librarian.


That's 45 words too. Do you think the admissions committee will remember this application among the 500 applications they are wading through? Probably more than half of the applications, maybe alotmore than half, will open with something very similar. Many will say they "have had a love affair with books" — that phrase may sound passionate until you've read it a couple of hundred times.

這也是45個(gè)字。你覺得錄取委員會(huì)會(huì)在每天要過濾的500份申請(qǐng)材料中記住它嗎?大概超過半數(shù)的個(gè)人陳述都是類似的開頭。很多人都會(huì)說他們是如何地愛書,起初聽起來會(huì)被學(xué)生的熱情感動(dòng),可是如果一天看了幾百篇都這么說,作為一個(gè)招生官作何感想?

Allof us have had some event, some experience, like my student's personal library at eleven, which drives us toward the discipline(s) we inhabit. I was speaking to a group of students recently about this. One student — let's call her Jennifer — said she wanted to get a master's degree in speech therapy. When I asked her why, Jennifer said she had taken a class in it for fun and really loved it. But then I pressed her: was there some personal reason she found that field significant enough to spend her whole life doing it? At first Jennifer said no, but after more questioning she revealed that her brother had speech problems. This was a discovery to her; she had not entered the field with that connection in mind — at least not consciously. But there it was; Jennifer now had her hook.

我們每個(gè)人在人生中都有一些獨(dú)特的經(jīng)歷,像我的這個(gè)名叫蘇珊的學(xué)生,11歲就擁有了自己的圖書館,可能由此引導(dǎo)了我們對(duì)以后人生道路的選擇。最近我和一些學(xué)生談過這個(gè)問題。有一個(gè)叫Jennifer的學(xué)生說,她想選修一個(gè)矯正語言障礙的碩士學(xué)位。我問她為什么對(duì)此有興趣,她告訴我,她曾經(jīng)純屬好奇地選修了這樣一門課,卻從此愛上了這個(gè)專業(yè)。但我繼續(xù)問她,你真的能保證愿意一生投入這一行嗎?有沒有什么個(gè)人原因吸引了你呢?開始她說沒有,但是我再三問詢,Jennifer終于告訴我,她的哥哥有語言障礙。對(duì)于她來說,這也是一個(gè)新發(fā)現(xiàn):她沒有想過,自己一心要學(xué)習(xí)的專業(yè)其實(shí)和她的生活經(jīng)歷是密不可分的。

You have to really dig. Be introspective. Don't settle for "I love this field."Whydo you love this field? Why do you want to work in this field forthe rest of your life?Why does itcompleteyou? Cut through the bull you tell your parents and relatives and friends. What isyourtruth? Find it and then find a memorable way to say it. Grad schools require the statement of purpose not only because they want to find about you as an applicant, they want you to really think about why you are taking such a life-changing step — truly and profoundly why.

想寫好文書就需要認(rèn)真挖掘,反思,內(nèi)省。簡(jiǎn)單說“我喜歡這個(gè)專業(yè)”是不行的。你為什么喜歡呢?你為什么愿意為這個(gè)專業(yè)付出一生呢?研究它能給你帶來什么樣的成就感和滿足感呢?坦誠(chéng)而認(rèn)真地講實(shí)話,但還要用吸引人的方式講出來。研究生院在看個(gè)人陳述的時(shí)候不光是想了解你這個(gè)人,他們也希望你在寫作的過程中認(rèn)真思考你為什么要做出人生中這一重大決定。

Okay, back to the scene of the five professors surrounded by stacks of applications, maybe more than 500. Do you know who they are? What they want? What they like to eat? Obviously, no. Conversely, do they know you? Well, no. But ... the statement of purpose is your chance to help them get to know you! Your statement of purpose should portray you as a person, not just an application among hundreds of others. Not just paper and ink.

好,我們現(xiàn)在再設(shè)想一下那五個(gè)教授每天被困在一間屋內(nèi)淹沒在不止500份的申請(qǐng)材料中的場(chǎng)景。你認(rèn)識(shí)他們嗎?知道他們喜歡什么樣的學(xué)生嗎?甚至,他們愛吃什么?你當(dāng)然不知道。反之,他們了解你嗎?一樣不。你的個(gè)人陳述是唯一而且最重要的幫助他們了解你的材料!記住,這篇文書不單純是筆紙,而是要把你活靈活現(xiàn)地表現(xiàn)為一個(gè)真實(shí)獨(dú)特的人。

Here's one way to do it. When I was an undergrad senior first applying for grad schools, I knew a grad student — I'll call him Nigel — who told me he had written a three-sentence statement of purpose to get into Stanford:

舉個(gè)例子:當(dāng)我大四申請(qǐng)讀研的時(shí)候,我認(rèn)識(shí)了一個(gè)叫Nigel的研究生。他告訴我,他入讀斯坦福的個(gè)人陳述只寫了三句話:

I want to teach English at the university level. To do this, I need a PhD. That is why I am applying.


That was the whole thing. That's only half of 45 words. It certainly portrays Nigel as brash, risk-taking, no-nonsense, even arrogant. If this is how you want to portray yourself, then by all means do this. But you should also know that Nigel's statement of purpose is an all-or-nothing proposition. You can bet there will be members of probably any admissions committee who will find Nigel's statement of purpose offensive, even disrespectful. And they might not want such a student at their school. But then I suppose Nigel wouldn't want to be a student at that school, either.

這就是全部。二十幾個(gè)字。但是它充分體現(xiàn)了Nigel的個(gè)性:自信甚至狂妄,敢冒險(xiǎn),不說廢話。如果你想用此種方式表現(xiàn)自己,不要猶豫,大膽去做!但是你也要考慮到,Nigel的個(gè)人陳述是孤注一擲的,在任何一個(gè)錄取委員會(huì)中一定都會(huì)有人非常反感他的口氣而堅(jiān)決不想錄取這樣的學(xué)生。但畢竟申請(qǐng)學(xué)校是雙向的選擇,我想那些不喜歡Nigel的學(xué)校一定也不是他想去的地方。

Try to make your paper-and-ink self come alive. Don't just say, "I used to work on an assembly line in a television factory, and one day I decided that I had to get out of there, so I went to college to save my own life." How about this: "One Thursday, I had soldered the 112th green wire on the same place on the 112th TV remote, and I realized the solder fumes were rotting my brain. I decided college would be my salvation." Both 35 words. Which narrative do you think will keep the admissions committee reading?

盡量讓你的文書生動(dòng)起來!不要僅僅說“我曾經(jīng)在一家電視機(jī)制造廠的流水線上工作,有一天,我忽然覺得我不想再干了,所以我辭職上了大學(xué),從此改變了我的生活。”換一種說法會(huì)好很多,比如:“一個(gè)周四,我焊完了第112個(gè)電視遙控器上的第112條綠色的電線,我突然感到焊接的煙霧在日復(fù)一日地腐蝕我的大腦。于是我覺得我要辭職去上大學(xué),那才是改變生活的出路。”字?jǐn)?shù)都差不多,可是作為一個(gè)招生官,你愿意看哪一篇呢?

Tell stories (briefly). Use vivid language. Be specific. Be dynamic. Liven up a moment in the lives of those five professors trapped with those 500 applications. Maybe 600. Maybe more.

簡(jiǎn)潔地講故事才能把文書寫好。語言要生動(dòng)具體,讓那五個(gè)每天被600多份申請(qǐng)材料壓得透不過氣的教授們眼前突然一亮,他們不會(huì)忘記你的!

At the same time, be careful not to be glib. Don't be slick. Don't write your application in a sequence of haiku. Don't put in photos. Just be yourself, but a more heightened version of yourself in words (since face-to-face nuance and gestures won't be there to help).

同時(shí)要注意,也不要太油腔滑調(diào)。不要用俳句寫你的文書,不要附帶照片。用平白但生動(dòng)的語言作你真實(shí)的自己就好。

Remember your statement of purpose should portray you as (1) passionately interested in the field; (2) intelligent; (3) well-prepared academically and personally; (4) able to take on the challenges of grad school; (5) able to have rapport with professors and fellow grad students — in other words, collegial; (6) able to finish the graduate degree in a timely fashion; and (7) a potentially outstanding representative of that grad school in your future career.

寫個(gè)人陳述記住以下幾點(diǎn):一:對(duì)所學(xué)專業(yè)有強(qiáng)烈興趣;二:聰明;三:性格成熟而且在學(xué)術(shù)方面也做好了充分準(zhǔn)備;四:不怕吃苦;五:能與教授和同學(xué)和諧相處;六:能及時(shí)畢業(yè);七:在未來事業(yè)中能成為我們學(xué)校的優(yōu)秀代表。

That's a lot to cover in a few hundred words (the length of a statement purpose, as required by different schools, tends to be around 300 to 1000 words). "Passionate interest in the field" will be covered by the kind of hook I have described above. "Intelligence" will be conveyed by the overall writing, organization, expression, etc. of your statement. Being "well-prepared" can be demonstrated by using the lingo of the field (theory, craft, etc.), describing the specific kinds of coursework and other accomplishments you have in the field. Ability "to take on the challenges of grad school" can be shown by describing the rigor of the work you have done. "Collegiality" is not particularly important but is nevertheless a factor — if you can show yourself as a generally nice and cooperative person, that will do — just be true to your own style. Ability "to finish the graduate program" can be conveyed implicitly by your success thus far and more explicitly if you can tell some (brief) story about adverse obstacles you have overcome. Being a "future outstanding representative" can be implied by your being an outstanding representative of your undergraduate school — for example, don't "bad-mouth" your current college or professors.

Often, grad schools will ask you to address other or similar qualities as I've listed above. Just use common sense in focusing on each. Don't address them in the same order as the grad school has listed. Combine them; rearrange them; do whatever you need to do to show yourself as an imaginative person, not a parrot following a line of Brazil nuts to crack.

個(gè)人陳述對(duì)于字?jǐn)?shù)要求一般是在300到1000之間,各個(gè)學(xué)校不同。要表達(dá)“對(duì)專業(yè)的強(qiáng)烈興趣,”需要我提交;吸引人的一個(gè)噱頭,“聰明”需要體現(xiàn)在你的文筆,文書的結(jié)構(gòu)等方面。“準(zhǔn)備充分”要表現(xiàn)在能夠熟練運(yùn)用所學(xué)領(lǐng)域的術(shù)語或技能,以及充分了解該學(xué)科的課程或者和在該領(lǐng)域獲得的成就;“敢于接受研究生院的挑戰(zhàn)”需要以你的成績(jī)來體現(xiàn);“師生關(guān)系和諧”不是考量中最重要的因素,但我們依然要考慮---如果能讓我們看到你是一個(gè)性格隨和肯于合作的人當(dāng)然會(huì)有所加分,但不可以弄虛作假。“能夠順利畢業(yè)”可以一方面體現(xiàn)在你的學(xué)習(xí)成績(jī)上,另外也可以從你克服困難的故事中體現(xiàn)。“作為一個(gè)本校未來出色的畢業(yè)生代表”要從幾方面來看:例如,在你本科就讀期間是否優(yōu)秀?你最好沒有說過本科教授的壞話。我已經(jīng)涵蓋了研究生院要求的大部分考量標(biāo)準(zhǔn),而很多東西都是普通常識(shí)。寫文書的時(shí)候,注意不要按照問題的順序逐一回答---要有點(diǎn)兒創(chuàng)造性,把這些問題綜合地看,綜合地回答,盡最大可能地脫穎而出,不要鸚鵡學(xué)舌。

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